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Hers (you know, her pussy, cunt, vagina, clit) 1. aching oozing entrance 2. clutching coming cavern 3. cum hole 4. inflamed seeping tunnel 5. pleading pouting gate of her vagina 6. pulse-pounding swamp of love and cum 7. ultrasensitive cum-covered bud 8. southernmost slippery lips 9. soaking, smothering cave 10. drenched hair-topped cavern 11. bloated pulsing bud 12. constricted, battered hole 13. contracting crease His (cock, penis) 1. buffeting brick-of-a-bat 2. engorged cylindrical monster 3. near-spurting spear 4. object of her oral affection 5. spherical head with its narrow semen-spitting slit 6. thick, long rope of granite 7. torturous tube 8. one-eyed purple-headed yogurt slinger 9. white marble battering ram 10. ready-to-pop pole 11. pointy protrusion 12. bulbous buffeting baton 13. albino boa constrictor |
What happens in the Cave doesn't always stay there... Conversations and news from Ellora's Cave Publishing, an erotic romance publisher.
Ick is so right, although some made me laugh - okay, mainly the guys :-)
ReplyDeleteTortured tube - really, isn't a dick supposed to be pleased as punched to be hard and ready to play? Same with the ready-to-pop pole, this could be the only chance to get off in days, months, years, take the opportunity and play nicely!
Inflamed, seeping tunnel? Yikes! Ya' gotta major infection down there, honey.
ReplyDeleteone-eyed purple-headed yogurt slinger Oh boy.
One euphemism I absolutely loved was when one of Erin McCarthy's characters referred to a man's cock as a "thingamabob." It was funny and brilliant, mostly because it said so much about the heroine's character.
Pretty interesting, and funny. You should also compile a list of accepted nomenclature, ok words and phrases, to talk about the same old body parts so it stays interesting without tipping over into flights of fantastical impossibilities.
ReplyDeleteMlyn Hurn, please.
Those were just...dang, I'm without words. Awful just doesn't seem to cover it. Horrid still not strong enough. Gagging, most definitely. Ewwwwwww certainly covers it as well.
ReplyDeleteDamn, now those icky works will echo in my head all dang day. So long as they DON'T reappear on the page, I should be fine. Next time put a gag factor warning on there or something, LOL
OH. MY FRICKIN. GOD! ROFL! I know they're supposed to be disgusting but I can't stop laughing!
ReplyDeleteTJ
www.tjmichaels.com
www.dynamicthree.com
OK, I can't stop laughing at those ha ha. Have to wonder how they came up with them. To say they are orginial is an understatement LOL.
ReplyDeleteMarisa
Ready-to-pop-pole.
ReplyDeleteI'm having a vision, folks, and it ain't pretty!
(LOL!!!!!!!!!!!)
OMG I'm with TJ! I'm laughing my fool head off here.
ReplyDeleteI can't decide if I'm amused or horrified. And I'm with Spy about that infection. Maybe see a doctor?
ReplyDeleteMy goodness. My hat goes off to you editors. The things you see!
These are hysterical. The ones for women sound like they were written by misogynists (or gynecologists tired of dealing with infections), and the ones for guys must have been written by teenage males. :)
ReplyDeleteSo, so funny.
ready-to-pop pole
ReplyDeleteMy husband's response to this list, after he got over the coughing fit from laughing so hard:
"Poley pop, poley pop, the magic treat,
As much fun to make as it is to eat!"
You left out my personal eew favorite euphmism for penis:
ReplyDeletetallywhacker. That just makes me cringe. Takes me back to my Georgia roots when Mama explained the birds and bees to me by saying: "Well, a husband puts his tallywhacker into his wife's sugar..."
Okay, I knew what a tallywhacker was. My mom owned an AKC kennel where she bred cockers, pekes, and Boston Terriers. At the naive age of twelve, from my mother's explanation, I had an image of one of her bulldogs putting his thing into the sugar bowl.
I never took sugar from that bowl again.
that's it... I am NEVER having sex with any of those people ~AW
ReplyDeleteOkay, most are just plain gross. Others are funny. But One-eyed purple-headed yogurt slinger? *_*
ReplyDeleteBWAhahahahaha!!! What heroine wouldn't die laughing if a hero said anything like that to her?
"Swamp of love and cum"?
ReplyDeleteOh, dear.
Beckyzoole's husband made me laugh the hardest.
ReplyDeleteThat's just... way beyond disturbing.
ReplyDeleteOh please don't hate and/or reject me for this, but I love some of those! C'mon, give up points for creativity...emergency-room-strained though the metaphors and similes might be.
ReplyDeleteHonest to god(dess), makes me miss being an editor.
Holy cow. Those are hilarious.
ReplyDelete"Contracting crease" makes me think of a sci-fi B-movie where the humans are desperately trying to return to Earth and they must make it through the contracting crease before it closes forever. LOL
*dies laughing*
ReplyDeleteYou have to admit, they are creative. I love the yogurt one. Could it be that they were trying for humor, as misdirected as they were? (I know I'm being hopeful, but still... I just hope the people who came up with these aren't reading them)
Oh my gosh. Highlight of my day, right there.
OMG, those are just horrendous! My all time favourite is 18th century slang for the male genitalia -
ReplyDeletetrouble giblets
Doncha love it? Only problem is, if I think about trouble giblets too much in certain - ahem - situations, I get the giggles.
Real people actually wrote these?
ReplyDeleteThose create some scary visual images. **shudder**
ReplyDeleteUmmm most of those sound diseased.
ReplyDelete