Friday, April 24, 2009

Contest: Spam Stories!

We’re going to have a contest! With prizes! Free e-books!

Always wondered if there could be some use for the hundreds of spam/junk messages that flood your email inbox? Hey, we all want to be "green" - recycle and reuse. So don't waste those spam messages, use the Subject lines to create a story.

Using only the phrases from spam/junk email subject lines, create a coherent (well, okay, that's optional) little vignette, no more than 2oo words. Obviously, this works on the honor system, as we really, really don't want to have to check your spam folder - we have more than enough of our own to deal with.

Post your entry in Comments by May 1, and we'll announce the winner(s) the following week.

Oh, and your character names need to be the senders of spam. I regularly get email from Adromache Ashley, Maarumaaru, Rosabella, Simmy, Angelina – and my most frequent correspondent, Viagra.Official.Site.

So make use of all those replica watches and cheap handbags emails, along with such potential story elements as:
The world’s largest online chemist store
Compare top 5 male enhancers
Revolutionary med discovery for your love-stick
Be too hot to resist
Use our support and you will never feel ashamed with women
We know these pills work
Up to 75% off on all items
Burn Fat & Lose Weight with Acai Berry
Be rock hard and ready all the time
Need your advice
Feel 10 years younger in bed
The magic of Viagra
Do not underestimate the value of free pills
Erectile issues are not your fault
Buy a college diploma

5 comments:

Bill Greer said...

Alfred Miner, feeling healthy and vibrant with acai berry, murmured to Belle Elease, "You can get great sex for free. I know the 3 biggest female orgasm secrets every man must know."

She turned away from him and said, "Size is really important."

"I tried vacuum pumps and other advertised methods without success! When you have a small instrument you feel like it's not even working."

"Don't pay a cent for Viagra."

"I'm broke anyway," he said. "I tried to check my account with the Central Bank of Nigeria, but the response I got was, 'Mail delivery failed: returning message to sender.'"

Лена burst through the door and exclaimed, "Love from Russia! 100% ~FREE~ TRIAL No Strings Attached!"

"You look like you have just walked out of the trendy store." Sophie said.

"Thank you," Лена said, "A prestige watch is a part of my image."

"Screw that," Alfred said while dropping his pants. "This is what she REALLY wants."

"Get over it, kid," Лена said. "Life with a small tool is pathetic and miserable."

Belle took Лена's arm and as they walked out the door together, Alfred heard Belle ask Лена, "Hey, I heard about unique Riviera Nayarit vacations. You interested?"

Bill Greer said...

Oops, that Sophie reference was supposed to be Belle.

Carla Swafford said...

Too funny! Yeah, I know this is to be a story, but so far my website and my work email addresses have been hijacked by spammers. So whenever I'm published, my name will be associated with "Ways to make your girlfriend scream" and "Cheap drugs to make sex more exciting." Then again, it might b a good thing. LOL!

[Maria] said...

"This," Vadim Leontevich (middle-aged history professor, part-time stamp collector, and three-time winner of LowCarQuote University's "Prof We'd Love to Meet in a Dark Alley While Carrying a Rucksack Filled With Bricks" award) said, "is obviously a mistake."

The young woman standing before him beamed. "Nope," she said. She leaned against his doorway. "You're Leontevich, right?"

"Yes," he said, wondering if he could slam the door closed on her fingers without risking a probable law suit. "Yes, I am."

"Okay," she said. "Then you're my soul mate."

He shifted from one foot to the other and fervently wished she would stop using that phrase. "Young lady-"

She pushed past him into the foyer, shrugging primly. "I'm twenty-three, perfectly legal. Is this real silver?"

"Don't touch that," he said. He wrung his hands together, then followed. "Miss. Excuse me, Miss? I don't even know you." Then, more firmly: "Look, would you kindly-"

She turned, so quickly he almost couldn't stop himself from slamming into her. Her eyes were very serious. The line of her mouth wasn't.

"You're the one who was looking for a soul mate," she said. Smiled. "Just so happened you found the only website that worked."



***


Sometimes I really wish they'd stop sending me "find your soul mate!" e-mails...

Sarah said...

This was (unsurprisingly) painful. Oh the poor, poor neglected language skills:

...

mrs stella rapped her fingertips on the Patio Furniture: Built to last. "___ is a matter of perception."

"Look, the US Government gives away millions a month. The key to getting a grant is knowing how and where to get one. Dont you want something for your taxes?" TopO Put on a Brighter Smile. "And that's not all! I Found You a New Job."

"Why work in an office? I already have an Economic meltdown survival kit." mrs stella frowned. TopO, Rebate Processor, offering immediate job placement. A legal way to cancel debt. Talk about MON3Y!

"Because YOU Need a JOB? Making more money was intended to be fun."

The curled tips of her red hair turned 5 Shades Redder -- Gauranteed! Time to Minimize exposure to Unhealthy Vibes. She was never going back to work. "I am closer than you think to being debt-free."

"Well, You're Getting Warmer. But now is the time to..."

I've HAD 3NOUGH! "I Get Free Overnight Shipping on Crocs at Endless.com." Just 1 of 5 Ways to Get Rid of Unwanted Pests.

...

Somewhere in the world, a small mouse has just been attacked by rogue punctuation, misspelled words and abused capital letters. Run, mousey, run!