Friday, August 31, 2012

"Porn for Women"

by Raelene Gorlinsky

Do you want to know how to create the perfect fantasy romance hero? What traits to give him so that every woman immediately loves him? Read Porn for Women (and enjoy the photos). Here's the intro:
What really turns women on? We, at the Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative, have dedicated our careers to answering this very question. In pursuit of answers, we canvassed the nation, traveling far and wide, surveying women across the land. We asked young women, old women, rich and poor, "what really, really gets you hot?" [...] Prepare to enter our fantasy world, girls (or guys who want to learn something), a world where clothes get folded just so, delicious dinners await us at home, and flatulence is just not that funny.


Yep, the guys pictured in this little book say all those things that make us swoon, make us adore them and think we've found the perfect man.  So put these pearls into your hero's dialogue:

"I don't have to have a reason to bring you flowers."
"Ooh, look, the NFL playoffs are today. I bet we'll have no trouble parking at the crafts fair."
"I love a clean house." (Picture of hunky, shirtless guy doing the vacuuming.)"
"I know, let's take you shoe shopping."
"Want to snuggle?"
"Have another piece of cake. I don't like you looking so thin."
"As soon as I finish the laundry, I'll do the grocery shopping. And I'll take the kids with me so you can relax."

There, doesn't that sound like the perfect man? Total fantasy, but still perfect for a romance hero.

7 comments:

Lynne Connolly said...

My man does the supermarket shopping. That's true love!

Let's see:
"You just stay in bed, let me tidy up."
"Don't you think the bedroom needs remodelling? You don't have enough wardrobe space?"

Angelia Sparrow said...

I'm a cynical old woman. I've been married 23 years and I see the potential for comedic disaster in every one of those statements, and nothing whatsover romantic in them. There will be just ENDLESS messes to clean up afterward.

Then again, my life is a Jeannie Robinson sketch, 20 years younger. (If you haven't heard her, look up her "Never send a man to the grocery store" on Youtube)

Real romance is when you come to bed late, and although he's asleep, he still rolls over and throws a sheet over you, because you can't sleep without it.

Susan D said...

Hmm, reminds my of my favourite joke

The 5 things a woman needs in a man.

A woman needs a man who's good in bed. A man who can cook. A man who is loving. A man who's good with kids.

And she especially needs them never to find out about each other.

Ruby Duvall said...

When presented with a choice, my fiance very regularly turns to me and say, "Whatever makes you happiest is what makes me happiest." And he means it. <3

Barbara Elsborg said...

My husband - the man who's stuck with me though thick and thin, through all sorts of troubles that I wouldn't have had if I hadn't married him in the first place. Including the two kids.
But he does do the shopping. I can forgive himm anything for that. Well, maybe not quite everything.

Cathryn Cade said...

Love these comments, and the article. Thanks for the great laughs, ladies!

My DH is a handy man. He can build, remodel, plumb, do electrical work, yard work, farm and takes care of our dog (you know, the nail trims and shoveling after.

All this and he's good lookin' too! He's a keeper.

PS, Did I mention he still laughs at my jokes?

best,
Cathryn
http://www.cathryncade.com

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