Pitchy Behavior

By Kelli Collins

There's tons of info on the Net regarding pitch protocol. I’ll let you find that. You don’t really want me to regurgitate all the stuff you can find with a simple Google search, do you? Of course you don’t. Not when personal pitch stories are so much more interesting. The following are based on past experiences, both mine and other EC editors. If you want the short-short version of this post, the overarching theme is: Don’t pitch in inappropriate places. If you want to know why, specifically…keep reading.

Food for Thought: So there I was, innocently standing in a buffet line at a conference, salad dressing ladle in hand, when I hear a polite “excuse me” to my right. I glance over to see a woman smiling broadly, who introduces herself as an author—and proceeds to pitch her book. I’ll admit it took me a full three minutes before I realized she was actually pitching me while I had a plate in one hand, a ladle full of now-dripping salad dressing in the other. The loud throat-clearing behind me helped. That person really wanted their salad.

I’m normally a champ at dissuading conversation. And I tried all the usual lines to clue the author in, up to and including, “I’d love to hear about it later,” and telling her my prescheduled time for pitch sessions. I even continued shuffling down the line, gingerly trying to make dinner selections via my peripheral vision (hey, I was starving. But also raised to look at someone when they’re talking to me). The author just shuffled along with me, talking all the while.

I finally broke away from the line and stepped to the side, listening for another fifteen minutes, half-full plate hovering between us. By the time she was done, my food was ice cold. I was so annoyed, she could have written the erotic version of War and Peace and I probably would have passed.

Stall Tactics: There’s really no easy lead-in on this one. So I’ll just say it: Don’t pitch to an editor when she’s in a bathroom stall. No, I’m not kidding. This happened to one of our editors during an RWA conference a few years back. I’ll let her explain:

“It was a male/female team. She was very petite; he was maybe 6’4” with a huge padlock on a choker around his neck, the size you’d see on a shed or storage unit. They’d pitched to me, I’d very politely declined, had given them my card. He had been very aggressive during the pitch, using his body language to loom over me at the table. It was a wee bit disconcerting but my Spidey senses were only tingling a little.

“The pitch session finished and I went to lunch. Afterward, I took a brief bathroom break. As I was in the stall, the outer door of the restroom thudded open. Next thing I knew, the woman was crouching under the stall, though I could only see her red hair trailing on the ground. The man’s hands were on the top of the stall door and it appeared he was trying to chin himself up. They kept saying things like ‘you have to accept this right now’, and ‘you don’t understand how good this book is’. They kept at it maybe a minute or two while I was trying to figure out an escape route. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the guts and unprofessionalism.

“Someone else came in the bathroom and was shocked that a man was in there, and the couple fled. For the rest of the conference the couple shot daggers at me and trailed after me like I was the Pied Editor playing their tune.”

Over your shock yet? I think I would have killed them. Plain and simple. If there’s more inappropriate pitch behavior, I’ve never witnessed. If your desperation has reached this height, seek help. Immediately.

The Electronic Advantage: I had taken a pitch at a conference, liked what the author had to say, and invited her to send the full manuscript directly to me for review. This is already more than most authors get. The author emailed me just a few weeks later, claiming to have lost the book in a computer crash, but would I like to see a slightly older book she’d had on another computer? She’d updated it and included a short synopsis and all the particulars with her query. This second story also sounded great, the query and synopsis were flawless, so I agreed. (This, despite the fact I was stunned she hadn’t somehow backed up her work on the other computer.) The author was thrilled, and sent the full manuscript.

Four days later, she sent another. You know, since I was “so kind to look at her work personally.”

Less than a week later, she sent three more.

The following day, I emailed the author to explain that the original offer was for book X, and because she viewed my willingness to review a replacement book as an open invitation to take advantage of my generosity, I was hereby rescinding my offer to review any of her work.

Sound harsh? Possibly. And given the first two books sounded good, I might have passed up some potentially good sellers. But look at it from my point of view: I couldn’t review the book I’d really wanted to review. The willingness to read a replacement submission is a pretty big deal already. And I’m super busy. I have more than a dozen submissions and active edits on my desk at any given time, above and beyond the daily work that comes with my position. It takes me roughly three to four weeks to read a submission, so the woman had just added about five months of unsolicited work to my plate. Thanks, but no thanks.

Hundreds of authors aren’t even lucky enough to get an invitation to submit. Get one book accepted first, then worry about the rest.

By the way, this has happened to several of our editors. Authors taking excessive advantage of a contact is extremely common.

Just Plane Crazy: This time I hadn’t even reached the conference before the fun began. I was winging my way from Tampa to St. Louis and happened to end up on a plane chockablock with romance authors. Including the woman sitting next to me. When she found out I was an editor, she immediately began to pitch her latest work. Okay, no surprise. And we’re on a plane, so what else is there to do, really? I politely listened, offered some advice and agreed to let her pitch in a more official capacity at the conference.

The author excused herself and left her seat. I didn’t give it a second thought. Until the woman who reclaimed said seat was someone else entirely. She said her author friend (my former travel companion) said I was an editor and I was nice enough to take her pitch, and I might be willing to hear another.

She had pointed out her friend and I looked up the aisle. There was my old seat mate, waving and smiling back at me encouragingly from farther up the aisle.

From there it was airplane hopscotch as authors continually swapped seats for a chance to sit next to the editor who was taking pitches at 30,000 feet. Worse, I was stuck in a window seat and the authors were swapping places so quickly, I couldn’t even escape to the bathroom for a moment of cramped peace. At one point, the line to sit next to me had to be dispersed by the flight attendant—who gave me a dirty look. The nerve.

Personal Touch: I was in a hotel coffee shop when I met an author who had missed her chance to pitch during normal sessions. I had time to spare, so I invited her to join me and pitch while I finished my coffee, because that’s the kind of nice person I am. (What? I am! Who told you otherwise? I want names and social security numbers.)

The woman was excitedly grateful and, after getting a coffee, sat and pitched her book. The first part went well. She told me the title, word count and a short, pitch-worthy blurb. I wasn’t certain of the genre—it could have been a couple different ones—so I asked, “It sounds like BDSM. Is it for our Taboo Line?”

“Oh yes,” she said, pausing to rummage in her large purse, “it’s a subject I’m intimately familiar with.” She punctuated this last by cracking her palm with the riding crop she’d taken from her bag. Loudly.

I was equal parts amused and mortified. I remember feeling the blush spreading up my neck to my face. (Note: Making an erotica editor blush? No small feat.) I looked around; the place was pretty busy. It was a hotel coffee shop, after all. And yes, I immediately confirmed the crack of the crop had caught the attention of several patrons. The men looked amused/interested. The women looked amused/shocked. The one woman with a toddler in tow looked disgusted before hauling her precious cargo the hell out of there. The author didn’t notice any of the attention (or my blush, presumably), and just smoothly transitioned from her pitch to particular details about her personal life, and why they made her an "authentic" BDSM author.

This is another thing that happens all the time during pitches—over-sharing. I’m gonna go out on a limb and declare it’s probably worse for erotica editors. But yes, non-erotic romance authors over-share too, it’s just that their personal details tend to be less blush-worthy.

Is there a difference between pitching an erotic and non-erotic romance (for instance, something for EC’s Blush Line, versus all the others)? No. Not at all. This is a business meeting, not a gabfest with your girlfriends. I expect authors to stick to the details during pitches, regardless of genre, and when/if I have questions about erotic content, I expect the answers to be equally professional. Leave the props (and crops) at home, pretty please.

This post originally appeared on http://www.pitch-university.com/school-is-in-session/2011/1/16/lesson-13-pitchy-behavior.html.


You can find Kelli on Twitter and Facebook, and pitch your erotic and non-erotic romances to her in person at RT (April; Los Angeles), Cleveland Rocks Romance (May; Strongsville, OH), RWA National (June; New York City) and RomantiCon (September; Akron). Just don’t get between her and her food or bathroom breaks.

Luddites Unite

by Raelene Gorlinsky

I don't really want to go around smashing textile looms or laptop computers. I don't reject or resist new technology. (Don't listen to Kelli or Meghan! It's not true!) But the hardware and software are not toys to me, they are just tools to accomplish tasks--technology is not an end it itself, it is merely something I need to do my real job. And it's always difficult when the tools change, it temporarily slows down my ability to get the real job done. You need to feed me changes slowly, give me time to learn and adjust without being overwhelmed or unable to get things done. I'm of the generation that did not grow up with computers (yes, I am indeed old enough to be Kelli's, Meghan's, and Jaime's mother, sigh), that wants to read the user manual first (they don't even provide manuals anymore!), that doesn't start just pushing buttons or clicking on things--I might break it!

(And it isn't just high-tech stuff that gives me trouble. After the stapler debacle--don't ask--I wasn't allowed to order an electronic pencil sharpener. Patty gave me a little red plastic manual sharpener, the kind you had in grade school. It works great, it's lasted me four years.)

So last Wednesday was off the charts in terms of stress level. It started with a new laptop. It's a lovely laptop--wide screen, number pad, more ports. But of course I have to adjust to a slightly different "feel" to the key spacing; it took two days before I could type a paragraph not filled with typos. And who the ha-ell decided to move the Delete key?!

Of course, this laptop has a newer Windows operating system and newer Microsoft Office software. Aack! Why did they change and move everything? Shortcuts, options, menus, all the stuff I'd customized to be just the way I wanted it -- I have to redo it all. And I can't even find it in order to change it! I went through a bag of malt balls, a brownie, and two chocolate chip cookies between 10 am and 5 pm. (Don't believe that nonsense that fruit or yogurt will make you feel better--only chocolate works.)

I'll learn it all, but I can't cope with everything at once. Thursday I focused on Microsoft Outlook, so I could do email. Friday I tore my hair out over Excel. (Note to Microsoft - the new way the Sort and Filter works is a pain in the ass. Why didn't you ask me first, I'd have told you how to do it right.) This week I'm fighting through Word. Coworkers have learned to ignore the shrieks and curses coming from my office.

And then there's trying to figure out what other software I had installed on the old system, and reinstalling it on the new one. (Actually, Randy does that--experience has shown it's not wise to let me try to install software. Did you know a PC can have a nervous breakdown?) It took three days to realize I couldn't get onto the company email or server from home because I was missing the appropriate program.

By 4 pm Wednesday I was trying hard not to hyperventilate or throw the new laptop across the room. Then the day crashed into final deadly overload. Darrell showed up in my office--with a brand-new cell phone! Everyone seemed under the truly false impression that I would be delighted to change from an old phone-that-only-makes-phone-calls to this monster that seems to do everything else except make a simple phone call. Kelli was drooling, "They got you an iPhone 4!" Darrell and Randy wanted to demonstrate everything. I just wanted to turn it off, except I couldn't find the Off button.

By the time I got home Wednesday, I think my eyes were vibrating and my body quivering. I walked in the door and blurted "I got a new laptop and cell phone" to my son. He looked warily at me, did not ask to see the laptop, and gently removed the cell phone from my clenched hand. When he returned the phone ten minutes later, he'd turned off WiFi and email, set it to a gentle ringtone, and found how to make the virtual keyboard larger--he knows me well, he simplified the thing so I can cope with the basics now. Of course, there was a setback later that night. The phone rang for the very first time. I whipped it out of my pocket, stared at it, then shrieked "How the hell do I answer the phone?" Hey, I didn't have my reading glasses on at the moment, without them the screen is just a blur. I sure didn't know there was a bar at the bottom I was supposed to slide to answer.

Kelli is now allowed to show me one new function a day on the cell. So far, I can check the local weather (after she changed it from Cupertino to Akron for me), find out what time it is in London or Australia (yes, Kelli set it up for me), and make a call via my Contacts list (I put in the Contacts, I didn't know Kelli was adding pictures for them). I haven't had to do text messaging yet, that's next. I might actually get brave enough to have her show me how to get driving directions.

Oh, there was one last "technology" debacle on Wednesday. There was a very expensive case provided with the phone, and it was stressed to me that these cell phone screens shattered easily if dropped, so I must put the protective case on. But I couldn't get the case open in order to put the cell phone in it! I struggled and struggled. Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to go to the IT support guy and ask him to show you how to open a cell phone case?

Forcing the Issue

By Kelli Collins

One of my recent tweets:

Rumor 193: EC doesn’t, in fact, “ban” forced seduction novels, nor do we fire editors who accept them.

EC’s no stranger to rumors; some bloggers have nearly built their reputations on EC smack-talk…but that’s another post. Aside from a firm conviction that all these scamps need to look into getting a life, I don’t much care. What’s that saying--as long as they spell your name right? And doubtful though I am about the IQ levels of certain bloggers, I’m fairly confident they can spell E and C.

But on to the latest rumor, one that resurfaces with predictable regularity. Like the cycles of the moon. Or PMS. That which says EC doesn’t allow forced seduction books. That we reprimand and/or fire editors who accept them. That we ban authors who write them, etc.

The truth is simple: Everything above is false.

Our founder, Tina Engler (a.k.a. Jaid Black), has written more than one forced seduction book, some of which are her best sellers. Another EC author, Laurann Dohner, made her EC debut with a wildly popular forced seduction book. And we’ve published many besides.

Have we published hundreds? No. Just as forced seductions books are not for every reader, they’re not for every author. In my experience, it’s the rare author who can write an FS novel that can believably get into the psychology of the phenomenon. And THAT, my friends, is what sells me as an editor. I want to get into the characters’ heads. Why is the hero compelled to make women bend to his will? Why does the heroine like, need and get turned-on by FS. And pay attention to that last part, authors, because whatever else the hero does, ultimately he must make the heroine feel good, and the readers should feel it in spades. After all, no still means no. If that word passes your heroine’s lips, it’s best to listen.

(Note: While I’ve seen the reverse scenario—a heroine forcing her will on the hero—it’s rare. A fact that intrigues me in its own right.)

As for readers, who knows why they love FS stories? A secret desire to give up control, perhaps…a longing to put their complete trust, and their pleasure, in the hands of another. We could speculate for ages, I suspect. What do you think?

Holiday Time Off

Hi, all,

We're taking a break for the holidays. Posts will resume in early January.

Have a great winter holiday of your choice, everyone!

Winners - Books of the Year

by Raelene Gorlinsky

Thank you to everyone who commented on our Books of the Year post. I have a list of books and authors I want to try, based on your recommendations!

So, random drawing for winners amongst the participants:
Cathy M
Cara Bristol
Audra

Ladies, please email RedlinesDeadlines@gmail.com and provide your mailing address. We'll send you a prize collection, including the 2011 EC Cavemen Calendar. (Probably will mail after Christmas.)

Books of the Year

Seems like everyone is doing a list of their top books of 2010. We don't want to be left out! But we'd like to be a bit different. So tell us some special stories that you read in 2010 (don't have to be new release in 2010), in the categories below.

And yes, of course, there will be prizes! Since it's the holiday season, we'll mail you a 2011 Ellora's Cave calendar and some other great goodies!

From the stories you read in 2010:
1. Story that resonated the most with me, emotionally.
2. Story I recommend most to others.
3. Story I wish I hadn't wasted my time on.
4. Most unusual story.

Put your responses in Comments by December 20. Oh, and please say why! We're always looking for book recommendations. I asked for an Amazon.com gift certificate for Christmas - help me spend it.

The Eyes Have It

by Raelene Gorlinsky

We've mentioned common romance stereotypes before. And this one was a question on Kelli's Fiction Feud. But this week hit me with a really stunning example of the heroine eye color issue.

Yes, we all expect romance heroines to be beautiful and somewhat unusual. But what, pray, is wrong with eyes of brown or black or hazel? Nice colors. But it seems like a massive percentage of heroines have blue eyes--almost always with some adjective to enhance the blue. Well, this week I read a story where the heroine had sapphire blue eyes and her BFF had eyes of emerald green! WTF, did they rob a jewelry store? If you see people with eyes of those colors, you can bet that over 90% of them are wearing colored contact lenses.

Do authors know how rare green eyes really are? It is the most recessive eye color gene. I read an article in a science magazine that said that within the next two generations, green eyes will be virtually gone. There are so few people with green (not hazel) eyes, and how often do two of them get together for child-creating? The green eye color has been bred out of the gene pool.

So although I love the colors blue and green, and I appreciate stunning-looking heroines, please...let's try for more chocolate brown or jet black. (Oh, and no one but Elizabeth Taylor gets to claim having lavender eyes.)

Best & Worst Book Videos

The Huffington Post has listed their choice of the 19 (why 19?) best and worst book videos of 2010. Take a look. Do you agree with them?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/12/06/book-videos-best-and-worst_n_791645.html#s198807

2010 Bad Sex Award

Britain’s Literary Review awards the "Bad Sex in Fiction Award” each year. The 2010 winner is Rowan Somerville's The Shape of Her. In accepting the award, Somerville said, “There is nothing more English than bad sex, so on behalf of the entire nation I would like to thank you.”

The novel contains sentences such as "Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her." A nipple is compared to the “nose of the loveliest nocturnal animal, sniffing in the night.”

http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/badsex.html

Fiction Feud Winner!

Yeah. It was just as hard as we'd thought it would be.  :)  Many thanks to our 15 players for giving it their best shots. And special thanks to Lynne and Barbara for making us laugh our asses off.

The actual game at RomantiCon had the top 4 or 5 answers for each question, and a lot of you got the number 2 or number 3 answers. (For example, wet or moist, which most of you guessed for the most common adjective to describe a vagina, was the number 2 answer.) Had we played the full version of the game, it would have been a super tight race.

Several of you got 4 of the top answers correct, but our winner, with 5 correct answers, was B.! Woohoo! Congrats! B, just email Martha@ellorascave.com and tell her which book (and format) you'd like to receive.

Now the answers:

1. Name the most overused hero name: Lucius, Lucian or Luke

2. Name the most common adjective used to describe an erection: Hard or rock-hard (several of you gave us "cock". Tsk, tsk. That's a noun, people)  :)

3. Name a type of sex play authors throw in their books to get the BDSM icon: Cuffs, ties or scarves (we'd also accept "bondage")

4. Name the most common uncommon eye color for heroes OR heroines: Emerald green (we'd also accept just "green"; several of you listed "brown". Is that uncommon these days?)

5. Not counting those that are sexual or romantic in nature ("passion", "love", "desire", etc.), name the most overused word in erotic titles: Night (the toughest question, based on the fact no one got it. Other overused title words: dark, hunt/hunter/hunted, bound, blood, fire)

6. Name the most common adjective used to describe a vagina: Hot

7. Name the most common thing a hero does to a woman's nipples: Lave or lick ("suck" was a super close second)

8. Other than a bedroom, name the most common place characters have sex: Shower

9. Name the most common last name authors use for their pseudonym: Black (Lee/Leigh, James and Quinn are hot contenders)

10. Name the most common occupation for romance heroes: Police/FBI (some form of law enforcement)

11. Name the most common way that M/M heroes meet: In a bar/club

12. Name the most common euphemism for coming: Explode

Thanks again for playing, folks. Your consolation prize would be our undying gratitude, which is worth a pretty penny on certain author black markets. Oh, and we're currently dreaming up games for next year's RomantiCon...if you have something you'd like to play, by all means, let us know!