Thursday, April 3, 2008

More Arms to Hold You




Yes indeed, as another blog announced for us, were-ducks are the next big fad in paranormal romance! But there are other shapeshifters we would love to see.


1. Were-octopus - Not only are male octopuses totally alphas who will jealously fight to the death for their ladies, they're also the cuddly sort who will hold hands! Also, just think how cozy it'd be to fall asleep with eight strong arms wrapped tightly around you. What's not to like?

2. Were-kiwi - There are a lot of attractive fellas in New Zealand, so why not an actual kiwi? These birds are adorable and are keen to settle down—pairs usually mate for life. Plus, they have really long beaks, and you know what they say about big noses.

3. Were-skunk - We all know a man's natural musk is sexier than any cologne, and these guys have it over everyone. And hey, don't they all live in Paris and have those sexy French accents?

4. Were-gerbil - To hear my cousin's husband's sister's friend tell it about some guy she knew, these fellas are always willing to explore...new territory in the bedroom.

5. Were-penguin - No matter where you go, he'll always be well-dressed.

6. Were-donkey - He'll always be the first to admit he's an ass.

7. Were-seahorse - Four words: He. Carries. The. Babies. My hero.

8. Were-koala - His breath will always be fresh from all that eucalyptus.

9. Were-turkey - He's the perfect man to bring home to your family for Thanksgiving.

10. Were-raccoon - Forget a man who always takes out the trash. This guy will just make it disappear—and you won't even have to cook him dinner! Plus, he has that sexy eye mask—perfect for any Zorro fantasies you might have.

11.Were-anteater - Have you seen the tongue on this beastie? Oh yeah, any romance heroine would welcome him into her bed. Also, does your house need an exterminator? Problem solved!

12. Were-whales - For a romance hero, bigger is always better.

13. Were-Corgi - Sucking up is a proven path to success. Using your publisher's or editor's adored pets as heroes or heroines of a novel is sure to make you a best-seller!

26 comments:

Adaora A. said...

Men with European accents and lower down always = win.

You can never suck up too much. Show me a person who doesn't enjoy flattery, and I'll show you a liar.

LMAO. I'd love to shake your hand. This post if full of win.

mary ann chulick said...

Were-skunks...well, who's more romantic than Pepe LePew??

SB Sarah said...

I am laughing so hard I can't breathe. Well played!

Never underestimate the power of musk, baby, yeah. Like, were-musk-ox. RWOR.

rebyj said...

what a list!!


mary ann ..I learned what french I have from Pepe LePew and romance novels LOL

I reccomend “ wereplatypus”

the oral sex scenes would be an interesting read and it’d be a rare birth if she gets knocked up, a weremammal laying an egg LOL

Darlene said...

And don't forget were-elephants--'cause he'll never forget your birthday, anniversary, or to leave the seat down.

relliott4 said...

These are hilarious!

Rachel Glass said...

Ha ha ha ha ha... But of course. A were-gerbil. . . because (sinister voice) no one EVER expects the GERBIL!

Dun dun duuuuun...

K. Z. Snow said...

I'd take a were-buzzard over a were-raccoon any day. Believe me, never trust a sonofabitch who wears a mask all the time, has fidgety little digits, and kills chickens.

That's why I stopped dating the Lone Ranger.

(You didn't know he killed chickens? Well . . . maybe it was prairie dogs, but you catch my drift.)

Shelley Munro said...

Hey, I've written about an Orca shifter. I'm all set. ;)

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Love the octo idea. Not just multiple hands to hold you but one hand for every body part. That could be fun.

Solange ayre said...

Were-sloth - he'll stay in bed with you all day.

dakiwiboid said...

Cute though they are, alas, kiwis are very testy little birds. Have a look here:
http://www.savethekiwi.org.nz/AboutTheBird/WeirdAndWonderful/KiwiMyths
to learn more about the razor sharp claws, powerful legs, kicking, biting, and bad tempers. They really don't like people much, alas.

Gail said...

Laughing. Weredone, um well done. Now I must rush off to my desk and get to work on that WerePeekapoo.

Dawn Montgomery said...

Can you imagine??? The Were Koala mates with a gal who's allergic to eucalyptus. That would be verra bad.

And let me say...Pepe always made me very nervous ROFL.

Cassandra Gold said...

There actually IS an octopus shifter story--Eight Arms to Hold You by Ally Blue. It may sound odd but it was an excellent book. :)

Anonymous said...

I think you've all been nipping the Kool Aid, she said as she ran off to dust off her were-lemmings manuscript.

Ann Bruce said...

And this article is so appropriate. It's like the planets all aligned.

Anonymous said...

Let's get it straight, people, it's either were-octopus or were-octopi. There is just no such thing as were-octopuses. Sheesh.

Still Anonymous

Candy said...

BWAH! That was hilarious.

Also: Octopuses is perfectly acceptable, but octopodes is technically the correct form. Octopi, while popular, originated from an error. Thus spake The Straight Dope and Ask Oxford.

This moment brought to you by People Who Are Entirely too Fond of Cephalopods for their Own Good.

December/Stacia said...

Ah, Pepe le Pew. You cannot resist him...because he is irresistable!

Ashlyn Chase said...

ROFLMAO!

I'd like to ad my favorite to that list. The were-cow. Because every girl wants a cow-boy!

Ash *w.e.r.e.
(Writing erotic romance enthusiastically)

ECPI Editors said...

On the plural of octopus:
http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/octopus?view=uk

Other dictionaries do list octopi (and octopus) as a correct plural, but still list octopuses as a valid option. And because one can never have too many choices when talking about our eight-tentacled friends, it can also be octopodes!

ECPI Editors said...

Oops, link doesn't work. Try this one: http://www.askoxford.com/concise_oed/octopus

Nick

Belle Scarlett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Belle Scarlett said...

Holy were-cow! Well, I for one can rest well tonight knowing the whole ocean is teeming with were-octopi, were-octopus, were-ocopuses, and/or were-octopodes.

XO,
Belle
(Note to self: Stay the freaking hell out of the ocean!)

P.S. Were-calimari, anyone?

Eilis Flynn said...

Why is everyone ignoring the idea of the were-dodo? The tragedy involved in a doomed species would be great for high drama, I would think.

Were-passenger pigeons are along the same lines, but doesn't have the same charm of ridiculousness.