Friday, April 4, 2008

Start the Story Contest Winners!

Wow, we had a lot of entries in our "first sentence of the story" contest. Remember, the point was to create a first sentence that would completely grab an editor or a reader. The type of sentence that would make a reader plunk down cash to buy this book because they were so intrigued and just had to know what happened next.

Our judging panel of six had a hard time picking our favorites, but we finally got it down to five winners. So, winners, you get a free download of an EC/CP/TLC book. Please email Martha@ellorascave.com, mention you are a winner of this contest, and tell her the title of the book you want and the format you need.

{drumroll}
(in no particular order)

Agatha knew it was going to be a bad week when she found a dead man in her trunk on a rainy Monday morning. - Anny Cook
Editor advice: End the sentence after 'trunk'. It will have more impact.

The day of birthday party hell was the day Harmony Jackson seriously contemplated removing her uterus and having it bronzed. - Gwen Lucas

It infuriates me to find Edmund sitting up at night in that infernal chair, grinning and rocking, grinning and rocking--barely missing the cat's tail--editing that tasteless book of his: Sex for People with Sore Knees. - Millicent Denby
Editor advice: Delete the 'barely missing the cat's tail'. It makes the sentence too long, has nothing to do with the point of the sentence, reduces the impact, and is a cliche. Oh, and is this whole book to be in first person present? If not, fix the tense of this sentence.

When the head of Abe no Seimei was delivered to the palace in a basket, the Emperor and his ministers fluttered into a hysterical and unseemly panic. - Linda Tan

The sealed I.V. bag of blood toppled from its secret compartment inside the fridge and slapped the floor at Zoe Merriweather's feet with sickening little wiggle. - Belle Scarlett
Editor advice: Proofread! Missing the word 'a' before 'sickening'.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
No prize, but these caught our attention.

"I can't drink this stuff," Justine said as she lifted a half-empty wine glass to her lips, "it goes right to my crotch."

The lighting [lightning] struck and flowed over her skin in intricate patterns of blue and white, leaving behind the smell of singed flesh and the marks of its passing.

I thought watching him walk away would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, until I heard the gunshot explode and his body crumpled to the ground; turns out it wasn't all that hard after all.

"If you kill someone who's already dead, it's not murder, is it?"

Bounding from bed, Sarah woke feeling like Sandra Bullock and looking like Sandra Bernhard.

When I was a child, I didn't dream of growing up to be an international bank thief, but sometimes dreams don't come true.

Hammond picked up our children on Christmas morning, boarded a jet for America, and upon arrival, placed them in an orphanage.

I woke with a jolt, my bleary gaze transfixed by the demon squatting on my chest.

I was having a pretty good day until Neville killed me.

Siobhan Watkins had said she was white, but they didn't believe her until the moment she strode through the automatic sliding glass doors and announced her arrival.

Jolene should've went [gone] for the boob job instead of buying the heavy, solid steel Kirby vacuum cleaner.

10 comments:

Kathleen Oxley said...

Wow, some great entries! Congrats to the winners!!

Linda said...

Woohoo! Thank you!

Anny Cook said...

Wow! Thank you so much! I appreciate the advice!

Sally Painter said...

Great opening lnes. Congrats to everyone!

Belle Scarlett said...

A thousand pardons for the absent "a" (Doh!), and a thousand thanks for the free e-book!

Thanks!
Belle

Maura Anderson said...

Great first lines - one of mine was an honorable mention and I took the challenge of it being a real first line I could use.

I made it the first line in today's Friday Flash on my blog.

You're welcome to read it if you're interested.

http://www.realmsoftheraven.com/2008/04/04/friday-flash-patterns/

Millicent Denby said...

Yes, I see your point, and thank you for the excellent advice. I appreciate the feedback.

No, this wasn't meant to be a whole book. If it were, I agree that a change of tense would be in order.

G Lucas said...

Thanks so much for the feedback and the e-book. I live overseas so I'm a big fan of electronic books!

Heidi Aken said...

Great Entries, contrats to all. Here's a secret to my one-liner and my book...True story about the Kirby vacuum cleaner. I really did by the Kirby. How dumb am I?

Anonymous said...

29047126483369175 I play dofus Replica Watches for one year, I Replica Rolex Watches want to get some Replica Watch kamas to buy Replica Chanel Watches item for my character. So, I search "Replica Swiss Watches" on google and found many website. As Exact Replica Graham Watch the tips from the forum, I just review the Swiss Replica Watches websites and choose some Replica Montblanc Watches quality sites to Replica Cartier Watches compare the price, and go to their Replica Breguet Watches online support to make Replica Breitling Watches the test. And Last Chaos Gold I decide to use Replica BRM Watch at the end. And Tag Heuer Replica Watch that is the Replica IWC Watch beginning..