Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"Last Line" Contest

Most everyone has heard of the Bulwer-Lytton contest for the best Worst Opening Line of an imaginary novel. So we are going to run a contest for the proposed best and worst LAST line of an imaginary book. There will be four categories:

1. Mystery novel - Best last line: A final sentence that is moving or heartstopping or just so perfect for closing a mystery.

2. Mystery novel - Worst last line: A silly or parody-type or just-plain-awful ending for a mystery story, something that leaves us groaning or laughing or screaming.

3. Romance novel - Best last line

4. Romance novel - Worst last line

So put on your creative or goofy thinking caps, invent some really unique and imaginative last lines for ficticious fiction books!

Post your entry (or entries) in the comments here on the blog. We'll scoop them all up by September 20 and announce the winners the following week.

Prize: Well, we'll send you a book - either a mystery or a romance!

Oh, yeah, we're also open to suggestions on what to name our contest.


Sarabeth said...

"Elizabeth, my darling," Rhys untied his cravat as his voice filled the bed chamber, "I refuse to wait any longer to lift your skirts."

laura said...

Worst last line to a mystery novel ever...

"Barbie, I'm so happy you survived the brutal attack of your gay twin brother because even though he's a million times better in bed than you, he'll be locked away for years, allowing me to marry you, legitimize your bastard child and live off your millions," Ken said as he pinched the attending nurse's round bottom.

Solange Ayre said...

Worst last line for a science-fiction romance:

"At last we can mate, my darling Earthian bride," Rhzark-ah'ho whispered as he closed the door and tore open his "muscular male humanoid" exterior shell.

mary ann chulick said...

Last line of The Greek Billionaire Cowboy-Surgeon's Secret Love Surprise

"When you told me you had a secret baby, I never imagined this!" Carrie exclaimed, staring dumbfounded at Damien's rounded abdomen.

ECPI Editors said...

Do be sure and tell us which category your entry is for! Mystery-best last line
Mystery-worst last line
Romance-best last line
Romance-worst last line.



Debra Glass said...

Romance, worst last line -
Tiffany brushed a tear from her cheek and said, "Oh, Rake, we can have our dream wedding on that cruise ship now that you're out of the coma and I've got my memory back!"

Sally Painter said...

Worst Last Line for a mystery novel:

"Well, baby, they think someone deliberately set our new house on fire," Rhett tugged her to his side, brushing smudges of ash from her face, "I guess it's a testimony to size and should be tallied up there with the redneck joke of you know when your house was just too damn big is when the fire department won't even try to put it out because they don't have enough water."

Sally Painter said...

Mystery - Worst last line:

Agatha knew Christie would find Holmes at Sherlock's just as she had discovered murder is easy at the crooked house so that's why she always recited hickory dickory dock whenever in grave danger certain to keep the moving finger away from her because then there were none at bertram's hotel or the hollow and she had suffered the ordeal by innocence after the funeral.

Viv Arend said...

I don't have an entry right now but a contest title suggestion for the worst last lines:

'Throwing Swine after Pearls.'

Viv Arend
Where Dreams become Reality

mary ann chulick said...

My entry was for a Romance - Worst Last Line

Ulysses said...

Worst mystery ending:

"Harold died of arsenic poisoning," Harris said. "In the condiments."

"So I thought." Celia slipped a bead onto a strand of her macrame. "I checked his salt and pepper, but found nothing. Nothing in the relish, mustard, steak sauce, salsa or ketchup either. It was then I considered the toast."

"The toast?"

"Yes." Celia held her latest wool owl up and admired her work. "It seems the butter did it."

Ashlyn Chase said...

Worst last line of a mystery novel.
"So, who done it?" asked the detective.

Worst last line of a romance novel.
"Eat shit and die you arrogant asshole!"

jean hart stewart said...

worst last line for a romance novel

Should her tell her he knew he'd already gotten her pregnant?

Amarinda Jones said...

“Darling let’s make this moment last, for when we’re old and gray I’ll no longer be with you.” Rafe stroked her face.
Cynthia sighed under his touch. “But our love with live forever.”
“I don’t do old chicks babe.”

Worst last romance line

ECPI Editors said...

{chuckle} Jean, I have actually seen that line in a romance.


Ann Bruce said...

Not entering the contest. Just a suggestion for a line:

Butler, library, candlestick.

BTW, if someone can work that into a book, I'd buy it for the comedic factor.

Belle Scarlett said...

As a professional writer, I, of course, am virtually incapable of writing a "worst" line of anything :g: so I had to really break a sweat to come up with this worst line for a m/m/f romance:

"Blake clasped Jessica and Franz to his manly bosom, and they all lived marginally ever after."

Virginia Lady said...

Worst Last Line of a Mystery-
"Someone in this room is guilty of murder."

Worst Last Line of Romance-
"Now we can be married, Marco," Anna exclaimed.
"I don't do commitment, babe," he replied candidly as he headed for the door.

Sarabeth said...

OOPS! Romance, worst last line for my comment above.

K. Z. Snow said...

Worst last line for a romance:

Elisandra feared she would never, ever regain the precious pearl of her virginity, which she fancied was now poised, like a forlorn, tiny world, on the Atlas-like column of Broderick's thieving, merciless and ill-washed member.

Jez Morrow said...

worst last line for a romance:

At long last lawfully wed, Cord's strong arms wrapped around her tight, his hands fondling her breasts, his painfully swollen love organ playing a symphony in her virgin vessel, Lucy's body arched up, her head thrown back, her eyes cast upon the wall and she thought incandescently, "Biege. I think I'll do the baby's room in beige."

vicki acklin said...

worst last line-mystery

Detective Rodriguez looks down at the dead body of True Blue, award winning mystery writer.
then up at the suicide note from her that he holds in his hand.
He shakes his head, looks over to his partner and says, "Well, I guess that's all she wrote."

vicki acklin said...

worst last line-romance

He comes towards her, striding quickly with a pounding heart, a pounding pulse, and a pounding, pulsating male attachment, just to hear a pounding on the door, along with the shouting words of, "Hey knock it off in there, people are trying to sleep you know!"

heysnitchy said...

Worst last line of a romance novel:

Curling up next to him with a smile, Elena knew he'd conveniently 'forgotten' the condom again, but this time she knew there would be enough food stamps to go around.

Catherine said...

Worst last line to a romance novel:

"And they did."

WindLegends said...

--- 1. Mystery novel - Best last line: ---
Sometime between dusk and dawn the body had disappeared and in its
place was a black silk rose with a single blood drop on one petal.

--- 2. Mystery novel - Worst last line: ---
She wondered if the funky smell coming from the fridge was the sushi
going bad or her daughter-in-law's decomposing head.

---3. Romance novel - Best last line: ---
Rhianna had found love and that love was the key to open all the
doors that had been closed to her in the past.

(Actually my short story, TailWind, won a contest for best last line
which read: She grinned. "Did I tell you I have cellulite on my ass?")

---4. Romance novel - Worst last line: ---
The pristine white steed picked up its pace as Lady Margot and Sir
Basil headed into the sunset, the wavering smell of horse fart
wafting in the wind behind them.

Belle Scarlett said...

Worst last line for a romance:

"All right, you win," Thor sighed despondently, "I guess I'll marry your fat ass. If it's okay with Mother."

Worst last line for a mystery:

"Let's face it, partner, we may never know who killed all those people... much less how or why."

Suggestion for this contest's name:

The Hook, Line and Stinker Contest

Kristi said...


"But, what about us?" he sputtered.

Scarlett turned and arched one eyebrow. His aristocratic face was etched with pain.

"Us? There is nothing left for us. You must see that."

"But my lands, my title, my baby!"

"I never wanted any of those things. And as for this," she patted her swelling belly, "The butler did it."

Kristi said...


Gertrude dabbed her eyes with a frilly hankerchief as the radiant bride sailed down the aisle toward her groom.

"It is fortuitious that the authorities have apprehended that monster. Imagine beginning one's sixth marriage with the spectre of a husband-killing psycopath on the loose," whispered Fanny.

"Oh, indeed. Imagine the horror of having your own lingerie used to strangle each of your dearest loves in the honeymoon suite. The poor darling must be so relieved." Gertrude hid a delicate sniffle with her hanky.

"And this husband is so much wealthier than any of her others. I do so love happy endings!"

Anita Birt said...

Worst last line of a mystery.

Poor mother is not the same without her head. Too bad we had to mess up her new hairdo.

Anita Birt said...

Best last line - mystery

"It's over," Jack said. "You're safe with me."

Melanie sank on to the rumpled bed. "Love me tonight. Make me forget what happened."

djstaley said...

Worst last line to a romance novel

After all was said and done the two lovers held on to each other, thankful they were alive. Tyler heard Tiffany whisper "I love you" and his body stiffened.

Tyler released Tiffany and stepped away "Baby, listen maybe we should just be friends with benefits, I mean I love you but I'm not in love with you. You know what I mean."