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Sunday, January 11, 2009

How Many?

Added: Okay, okay, if people are going to be creative and contribute more, then we'll turn this into a contest! Post in Comments your best publishing-related (editor, author, etc) "how many does it take to screw in a light bulb". We'll pick a winner next Monday.

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I can't tell whether you mean 'change a light bulb' or 'have sex in a light bulb'. Can we reword it to remove the ambiguity?

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q: How many managing editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?

Q: How many copy editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.

Q: How many marketing directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q: How many proofreaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Proofreaders aren't supposed to change light bulbs. They should just query them.

Q: How many writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: But why do we have to CHANGE it?

Q: How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to screw it in, and two to hold down the author.

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Awkward sentence - please revise.
[contributed by Jaci Burton]

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Are you sure there were light bulbs in 1701?
[contributed by Cricket Starr]

21 comments:

J.K. Coi said...

That's hilarious, thanks for making me smile!

How many writers does it take to change a light bulb
One, but only after checking with at least three critique partners

J.K. Coi
Immortals to Die For
www.jkcoi.com

Mike Cane said...

How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What standard are we talking here, ePub or Kindle?

Ally at the CataNetwork said...

LOL. You two are too funny. Amazing the power of twitter, huh?

Thanks for the laughs RaD.

Erastes said...

How many m/m authors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but there will be liberal amounts of lube, and three fingers inserted first to make sure it fits.

storm grant said...

Brilliant!

How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change "light bulb" to "lightbulb" and one to change it back. (Although sometimes one editor will do both jobs.) ;-P

Erastes said...

Q: How many agents does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Dear Author.

I'm sorry but your light bulb isn't suitable for this socket. We apologise for the lack of a personal response but as you can imagine we get so many light bulbs offered we are unable to screw them all in.

We wish you luck finding a socket elsewhere.

Charlie Cochrane said...

Slight variation:

How does a 'special snowflake' type author screw a lightbulb?

They hold it and wait for the world to revolve around them.

*runs away*

Katherine Kingston said...

Q. How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Can you be more specific? Is this supposed to be a 60-Watt bulb, 100-Watt or a three-way?

Q. How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. We just cut a deal with XX Electric Company so be sure you change all the light bulbs to their brand.

Q. How many editorial directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. I don't have room in the list for another light bulb story until 2013

Lee Rowan said...

How many traditional romance agents does it take to screw in an m/m lightbulb?

We are sorry, but we do not screw bulbs into that socket!

Sally Painter said...

How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Did you really mean screw? This is a slang expression typically used in reference to sexual intercourse that most people outside the USA won't get. Perhaps you should use a different word so those not in the US will understand.

Jeanne St. James said...

How many authors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, if she gets it write the first time.

Flick said...

How many agents does it to take to screw in a light bulb?

Surely they just hold the bulb and the world revolves around them.

Thus spoke the woman with no agent

Chris said...

How many copy editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

OK, let's see. Checked Webster's 11th (the print version, of course) for the correct form. While looking for the word, noticed "lighter-than-air," which appears to take hyphens. Who the hell would use such a cumbersome adjectival form preceding a noun? Was it a "lighter-than-air" balloon? Just couldn't see it. Considered e-mailing (can't wait for M-W to drop that ridiculous hyphen in what should be "email" by now) Webster to ask how frequently this has appeared since the 1903 date of origin given. I'm discouraged from making such queries, however, having gotten a crappy response to my suggestion that "akrasia" be added to subsequent editions of the dictionary. The suggestion was as follows:

The word "akrasia" comes to us from Plato's Protagoras and is used with some frequency in the fields of philosophy and psychology.

akrasia n [Gk] (ca 380 B.C.) : the state of choosing and performing an action against one's own preferences or will

The jizzbucket science editor offered the following response:

Here at Merriam-Webster, we have a series of criteria that a word has to meet to be considered for entry in our dictionary. We spend a certain amount of time every day scouring all sorts of published material for examples of new words, and when we find them, they go into our citation database. When we revise our dictionary, we check the
database to see if [what? not whether? sic, motherfucker!] any of these new words have enough support to warrant their entry. Thus far, we have only two examples of "akrasia" in our database, which means that it probably won't go in any time soon.

The nerve! There are dozens of article titles listed in PsycNET alone that have "akrasia" in the friggin' title. I still haven't gotten a response from him concerning that little bit of information.

On second thought, it might actually be hundreds of articles--rather than dozens--that have "akrasia" in the title. Checking on that, I find an article that, according to the posted abstract, includes some discussion of a significant interaction between akrasia and ADHD. Having been diagnosed with ADHD some years ago, I can't help but be curious. Hooray for our institutional subscriptions to all these wonderful journals!

Crap. I didn't want to open a PDF. I thought it would come up in HTML. I don't have time to mess around with downloading a PDF. Opening Acrobat. Opening. That's 6 seconds I'll never get back. Ah. Here it is.

Chris said...

Just noticed the "Overwriters Anonymous" post. Huh.

Chris Redding said...

How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Not sure I really fell in love with your light bulb.

Tracey H. Kitts said...

How many erotica writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. Do we have to just "screw" it or can we get more creative?

Or

Instead of a plain old bulb, how about a three-way?

Shelli said...

How many editors does it take to screw in a lite bulb.

If they use energy efficient bulbs, 2 but only b/c it takes less energy that a 3 way

Amarinda Jones said...

How many authors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Depends - are other authors nominated to do it? And if I win can I display the winning ‘I screwed the winning light bulb in’ logo on my website?

How many authors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What royalties are being paid and how many ways are they being split? Will my name go first as the initial lightbulb screwer?

Janet Reid said...

Q: How many agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but you have to query 765 to find the one who'll actually do the screwing.

Belle Scarlett said...

Darn, sorry I missed these. Congrats to the winners!

Just a couple of late, extras for fun...

Q: How many critique partners does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Does it HAVE to be a light bulb?

and

Q: How many editors does it tak to screw in a light bulb?

A: Proofread!

;-D
Belle

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