Monday, May 4, 2009

Contest Winner: Spam Story

And the winner is -- Bill Greer! Bill, email us at RedlinesDeadlines@gmail.com and let us know what Ellora's Cave or Cerridwen Press ebook you would like (and the format you need).

Here's Bill's story, built from spam Subject lines and senders.

Alfred Miner, feeling healthy and vibrant with acai berry, murmured to Belle Elease, "You can get great sex for free. I know the 3 biggest female orgasm secrets every man must know."

She turned away from him and said, "Size is really important."

"I tried vacuum pumps and other advertised methods without success! When you have a small instrument you feel like it's not even working."

"Don't pay a cent for Viagra."

"I'm broke anyway," he said. "I tried to check my account with the Central Bank of Nigeria, but the response I got was, 'Mail delivery failed: returning message to sender.'"

Лена burst through the door and exclaimed, "Love from Russia! 100% ~FREE~ TRIAL No Strings Attached!"

"You look like you have just walked out of the trendy store." Belle said. "Thank you," Лена said, "A prestige watch is a part of my image."

"Screw that," Alfred said while dropping his pants. "This is what she REALLY wants."

"Get over it, kid," Лена said. "Life with a small tool is pathetic and miserable."

Belle took Лена's arm and as they walked out the door together, Alfred heard Belle ask Лена, "Hey, I heard about unique Riviera Nayarit vacations. You interested?"

4 comments:

Jeanie W said...

This is hilarious!

barbara said...

I'd come on that vacation but I'm waiting to receive the check promised by 'Euro Lottery' - it must have slipped my mind buying a ticket and they only want $456 insurance before they send my millions. I can't wait to get in that pool with you.
PS I have a supply of viagra if needed. It was five packets for the price of one.

TJ Michaels said...

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

Belle Scarlett said...

I'd like to buy this item! I'm sending you a cashier's check for said item for $2000 over the amount you want for it. Please send me the change in U.S. funds at my untraceable P.O. Box in the U.K. at your earliest convenience.


Cheers,
Belle Scarlett
(no relation to the Belle mentioned in Bill's entry... at least I don't think I am... Bill?)