Thursday, February 14, 2008

Terms That Are Less Than Endearing

In honor of Valentine's Day, we prowled the internet—and our worst memories—for the weirdest, least charming terms of endearment we've ever heard.

1. Sugartits. First of all, a sugartit is a piece of cloth dipped in sugar and water (or sugar and milk) and used as a pacifier for an infant. Second of all, um, thanks, but I'd like to think there are sweeter things about me than my breasts.
2. Angelpuss. All right, so "puss" in this sense is supposed to mean "mouth". Still, I'd rather not be called anything-puss. At the worst, it seems somewhat crass, and at the mildest, um...meow?
3. Dumpling. They're delicious. I'd like to think I'm delicious. But can we find something more flattering than this? I don't want my sweetie to think I resemble a ball of boiled dough.
4. Sugar-booger. Eww. Can anything about something that comes from your nose ever be sweet, no matter how much sugar is involved?
5. Duck, Duckling. What, I have feathers and quack? I have a big beak? Or do you just mean you expect me to follow you everywhere you go?
6. Fruitcake. Seriously? Who likes fruitcake enough to use it as a term of endearment? You mean you love me so much you want to regift me as soon as I'm unwrapped? Also, it's a term than can mean eccentric or offbeat—or a homophobic slur. Charming.
7. Daddy. For some people, it could be situationally appropriate as a regular term of endearment. But you might want to check with your partner first before using it or asking them to use it—especially in bed. For many of us, the person we think of when we hear "Daddy" is not someone we want to be thinking about at that particular time.
8. Schnooky lumps. What...what?
9. Shabookadook. See above. I know it's normal to sometimes break into nonsense talk with your loved one, but try breaking down the etymology of this one.
10. Puddle-pooper. Hmm. Sounds like a medical problem.
11. Poopsie, Poopsie-woopsie, or any variation.
12. Fudgey. Well, fudge is generally pretty appealing. It's sweet and tastes delicious. But it's also sticky and gooey and...what exactly is it about me that's fudgey, anyway? Because that could make a big difference.
13. "Little" anything, when referring to men. It might not be meant offensively, but guys tend to be somewhat knee-jerky about people implying anything about them is small—especially when it's someone who's seen them naked!


Anonymous said...

#7 is just creepy. *shudder*

Stacia said...

Puddle-pooper? *Snort* When I think of romance, poop really doesn't enter into the picture in any way. Maybe that's just me.

Anonymous said...

#1 made me LOL. Still giggling.

Unknown said...

Calling a significant other "daddy" or for the men, "mother" has always seemed strange to me.

Anonymous said...


You made me Laugh Out Loud!