Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Worst Writing Award 2011

The Bulwer-Litton Fiction Contest was started in 1982 at San Jose State University to celebrate bad writing. The contest is named after Victorian novelist and playwright Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who started a book with “It was a dark and stormy night”. From the contest's website ( "The contest challenges entrants to compose bad opening sentences to imaginary novels".

The 2011 winner is Sue Fondrie, an associate professor at U of Wisconsin.
"Cheryl's mind turned like vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."

Don't you wish you could write like that?! Please send us submissions in that style--we like to torture our editors.

Runner-up is Rodney Reed.
"As I stood among the ransacked ruin that had been my home, surveying the aftermath of the senseless horrors and atrocities that had been perpetrated on my family and everything I hold dear, I swore to myself that no matter where I had to go, no matter what I had to do or endure, I would find the man who did this . . . and when I did, when I did, oh, there would be words."

Romance category winner is Ali Kawashima.
"As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand—who would take her away from all this—and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had."

Winner in the Purple Prose category is Mike Pedersen.
"As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue. "

There are winners in genre categories and various other classifications, including Dishonorable Mentions. They are all hysterical - go have a bit of reading fun.


Unknown said...

'...not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.'

Gotta love that last thought! LOL Too funny. :)

Mel Teshco said...

Great reading there =)))

Cris Anson said...

Thanks for pointing me to a few minutes of belly laughs!

Sami Lee said...

" a loss as to why he felt blue." That one was hysterical.

Mel Jolley said...

My face is aching with trying to hold in the laughter and not wake my children! Thanks for the giggles.

Unknown said...

LOL, loved the honking.

Barbara Elsborg said...

Her heart beat as loudly as a heart beats, pumping blood from one chamber to another, when confronted by a flesh eating zombie or after a hot scene in an Ellora's Cave novel, when she saw the remains of her love strewn on the path after the unfortunate accident with the chain saw. Luckily it was still under guarantee. She went back to her novel. She had to find out what happened to Rafe...

Oh I had to have a go myself.

Kaily Hart said...

Haven't laughed at a blog post like that for a long time. :).